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From The Maze Where Realities Converge - the psychedelic encyclopedia of reality from The Ultimate Comment
Show me your original face - the one you had before you parents were born.
A monk asked Ma-Tsu, "What is the primary meaning of Zen?" Ma-Tsu said, "If I don't strike you, the whole country will laugh at me" and punched the monk, knocking him to the ground. At this, the monk became enlightened.
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Has Time grown old?
Who is the master who makes the grass green?
Basho was a very learned scholar of Buddhism. One day he met Zen Master Takuan. The two talked for a long time and Basho quoted many sutras with great eloquence and depth of understanding. After some hours, the master said, "You are a great man and very wise. But the whole time we have been talking, you have used only the words of the Buddha or great teachers. Tell me something in your own words." Basho could think of nothing. He became frantic. His mind was stalled, it could not go forwards or backwards or to the sides. Then he heard the noise of a frog leaping into a pond and said:
"An old pond.
A frog jumps in.
Plop!"
Master Takuan laughed and said, "Good! These are the words of your true self!" Basho laughed too, for he had become enlightened.
In spiritual deperation, Hui K'o made his way to the cave where Bodhidharma was meditating in seclusion. Hui K'o beseeched Bodhidharma, "Master! My mind has no peace. Please help me pacify it." Bodhidharma ignored him; he was meditating, not teaching. As a sign of his need, Hui K'o drew his sword and cut off his own arm. He presented the severed arm to Bodhidharma and repeated, "My mind has no peace. Please help me pacify it." Bodhidharma drew his own sword and said, "Bring your mind out here and I'll pacify it." [The Chinese word for 'mind' can also mean 'heart'.]
Hui K'o replied, "When I look for my mind, I cannot locate it anywhere."
Bodhidharma said, "Ok, it's pacified."
At this, Hui K'o was enlightened.
If you have ice-cream, I will give you ice-cream. If you have no ice-cream, I will take it away. (This is an ice-cream koan.)
Banzan was walking through a market and overheard a customer asking a butcher, "Which is the best piece of meat in your shop?"
The butcher replied, "Everything is the best! You will not find anything here that is not the best!"
Hearing this, Banzan became enlightened.
One Zen master, whenever he was asked the meaning of Zen, would only raise his finger in response. One day he asked a student who had been studying with him, "What is the meaning of Zen?" The student, wishing to please the master, raised his finger in response, but the master drew his sword and sliced off the monk's finger. The monk began to run away in terror and confusion, but the master called him back and asked him again, "What is the meaning of Zen?" The student went to raise his finger, but there was no finger there. At this, the student became enlightened.
Two metacommentologists were walking down Dollymount Strand and they noticed the same spiral patterns in the sand as in sea shells. "Look," said one, "Nature is interconnected." "No," said the other, "Patterns are interconnected." There was a crazy cat lady on the beach hunting seagulls for her breakfast, "No!" she squawked, "Mind is interconnected."
If you ever meet the Buddha, kick him in the nuts.
From the Principia Discordia:
A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America confusing. He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.
One night in a coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master handed him a slip of paper and said, "Go to the dilapidated mansion you will find at this address. Go to the large room on the right of the main hallway, sit in the lotus position in the northeast corner, face the corner, and meditate. Do not speak to those who live there; you must remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow night."
He did just as the Zen Master instructed. He arrived at the mansion to find it crawling with homeless drunkards, madmen and drug addicts. He discovered that the corner in which he was to meditate was piled with molding rubble, as the second bathroom on the floor above had partially collapsed from water damage. Nevertheless, he sat down to meditate.
His meditation was frequently interrupted by worries. He worried how would he know when the moon rose on the next night. He worried about what the people who walked through the room said about him. He worried whether or not the rest of the plumbing fixtures would fall from above to join the pipes and other trash he was sitting on.
His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test of his faith, something shifted above, causing human excrement to drip down from what remained of the toilet. It landed on his face, splashing into his mouth, down his shirt and over his hands.
Just then, two people walked into the room. The first said, "Who's the new guy sitting there?" To which the second replied,
"Some say he is a holy man. Others say he's just a shithead."
Upon hearing this, the man was enlightened.
Bodhidharma, the twenty-eighth patriarch of the teachings of the Buddha, was called before Emperor Wu. Emperor Wu was a supporter of Buddhism and had build many temples around China. He asked Bodhidharma what merit he had earned through this.
"None whatsoever" Bodhidharma replied.
"But what is the meaning of the sacred truth?" asked the emperor.
"Limitlessly open! Nothing is sacred!" said Bodhidharma.
The emperor was stunned. "Who are you?" he asked Bodhidharma.
"I don't know" came the reply.
"Does a dog have Buddha-nature?"
"Woof!"
Zhaozhao asked Nanquan, "What is the way to enlightenment?"
Nanquan said, "Ordinary mind is the way"
"Then how can I pursue it?"
"If you pursue it, it recedes."
"Without pursuing it, how will I know it?"
"The way does not belong to knowing or not knowing. Knowing is delusion and not knowing is dullness. When you reach the truth, beyond all words and ideas, you will find it more vast and boundless than outer space. How could it be reduced to correct and incorrect?"
Religion is like a finger that points at the moon.
What is troubling us is the tendency to believe that the mind is like a little man within. - Ludwig Wittgenstein
The mystical is not how the world is, but that it is - - Ludwig Wittgenstein
A monk asked Chao-chou, "I have just entered the monastery: please give me some guidance."
Chao-chou said, "Have you eaten your rice?"
"Yes"
"Then go wash your bowl."
Fa-Yen said to a monk, "Here is a large boulder. Would you consider this boulder to be inside your mind or outside your mind?"
The monk replied, "According to Buddhist teachings, everything is an expression of Mind, so I would say that the boulder is inside my mind."
Fa-Yen said, "Your mind must feel very heavy to be carrying around such a big boulder!"
Do not lust after truth. Only cease to cherish opinions.
One day Chuang-tzu and a friend were walking along a riverbank. "How delightfully the fishes are enjoying themselves in the water!" Chuang-tzu exclaimed.
"You are not a fish," his friend said. "How do you know whether or not the fishes are enjoying themselves?"
"You are not me," Chuang-tzu said. "How do you know that I do not know that the fishes are enjoying themselves?"
Turn your entire body, with its twohundredandsix bones and twentyninemillion pores, into one solid lump of Doubt. Day and night, really dig into it, but don't take it to be 'Nothingness' or 'Being' or 'Non-Being'. It should be as though you have swallowed a red-hot ball of iron and cannot vomit it up, though you try. You must extinguish all delusive thoughts and feelings you have hitherto cherished. After a period of such effort, Mū* will suddenly split open before you and shake the heavens and startle the earth.
*Mū is Chinese for 'That which is not a thing', referring to The Ultimate Reality which is completely empty.
The nature of the absolute is void, and yet not void. How so? The marvellous 'substance' of the absolute, having neither form nor shape, is therefore undiscoverable - hence it is void. Nevertheless, that immaterial, formless 'substance' contains functions as numerous as the sands of the Ganges, functions which respond unfailingly to circumstances, so it is also described as not void.
Form is emptiness; emptiness is form.
The mind is not to be found in the mind. The nature of the mind is pure light.
Nothing is true; everything is permitted. - Hassan i-Sabbah
