Multidimensional Hyperdrive
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/01/06/hyperdrive/
The US military is considering try out the concept of a hyperdrive to go really really really really fast. Mars in 3 hours, they say. It involves some sort of big magnet and floating coil to go into dimensions where the speed of light could be a lot faster and so we could surpass our current limit.
The problem is the physics it's based on is understood by approximately 2 people in the world and is "hazy" at best.
But hey, a practical dimensional transfunctioner eh?
On other matters a new, a more standard transfunctioner was sighted yesterday on top of a church in Ballinteer, but no camera was to hand and so it shall remain undocumented until further investigation is done. It would suggest a coverup from the church on the true nature of things, and perhaps a collaboration with extradimensional entities acting as "God" to gain followers / subjects to follow them into their dimension, which they lead people to believe is Heaven.
autocentron on 01.30.06 @ 08:36 AM CST [link]
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This is the so-called "Astronomical Clock" in Pragues town square, which displays the position of the planets. It has recently come to the attention of the Ultimate Comment and our Prague correspondent that this clock may in fact control the planets (it seems just as likely as the planets controlling a clock) and may be linked to the transfunctional network. (In the same way as the Maze Where Realities converge is linked to the Dimensional Transfunctioner). The Orloj and the transfunctional network are being discussed 
Free chocolate has been offered to newswriters as part of the 2006 website rejuvenation programme.